Having had the pleasure of accommodation at The Gloucester Royal Hospital, enjoying treatment for pneumonia recently, I had time for quiet contemplation, a somewhat rare commodity in our house!
My mind was possessed by two rather extraordinary women who have touched my soul in the fortnight.
The first, by a random, yet most profound chance, I received an email sent by a lady who has suffered catastrophic loss in her life, thanking me of all people, for being honest about grief. She had stumbled across the Charity while searching for a company with the same name and “fallen down the rabbit hole” of my blog.
She raises the same issues that afflict so many of us who have made the difficult decision to choose life after the loss of someone uniquely important in our lives. She talked of the ‘secondary losses’ that have to be grieved too, and those will always be present. Simple things such as the task of taking a family photo, or laying the table for dinner. Even during moments which should be perceived as ‘respite’ or positive, like a holiday, are marred with feelings of deep sorrow, guilt and pain.
I too hope that one day, as she does, that our ‘death phobic’ society can gently come round to the way of thinking, that far more comfort and strength can be stirred inside a lost soul by trying to understand what it feels like to have to walk a new life after loss. It will rarely cause melancholy, or a worsening state of self-pity as feared by many well-wishers who are so determined to believe that to ‘move on’ is the key, but instead will allow something much stronger and more everlasting to form, which is a ‘bridge’.
<img src="https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/52f80273e4b0c80880f13246/1619185011497-6PLVHIEY9BZPGHUQR1WR/Bridge-Buller-Gorge-New-Zealand.jpg.824x0_q71.jpg" alt="A bridge connects the tree-lined cliffs of New Zealand's Buller Gorge. (Photo: Philip Bird LRPS CPAGB /Shutterstock)" />
A bridge connects the tree-lined cliffs of New Zealand's Buller Gorge. (Photo: Philip Bird LRPS CPAGB/Shutterstock)
I like the visualisation of a tiny suspension bridge, crossing a fantastically beautiful and vast valley of trees and running rivers; the pathway remains precarious and terrifying, tremulous with feelings of never-ending loss, but with strong and intertwined support, this path can be travelled. Whilst nerve wracking, when the realisation hits that it is, in fact safe, it is even possible to drink in and savour exquisite beauty, joy and happiness, all be it for a moment before the wind picks up again.
The other young lady was a recent ‘ward buddy’ who has lived with a condition I had not heard of before called Neurofibromatosis (type 1). Despite significant and very apparent suffering, she exuded warmth and empathy of the most generous kind. She not only helped me and others out with a few practical hospital stay items, but offered those around her little challenges to help them to help themselves fight varying respiratory conditions. No sooner I had I got home but noticed, she has already set up a donation page to Blue Skye Thinking and plans to undertake some sort of challenge herself to help children with brain tumours. I think we can all draw goodness from this remarkable woman, who, instead of complaining about the problems she faces in life, strives to make the most of them AND help others along the way.
In conclusion, I suppose what I am saying is, don’t be afraid to share your thoughts, you never know who or when it may help someone else or even yourself. Be pro-active rather than inactive. In the true spirit of my new ‘friend’ on the ward, I’m setting a little challenge to anyone who reads this… Pick one night this week to take half an hour learning about a small Charity. It could be anything from how to save our dear planet, discovering a new Charity supporting research into rare but serious conditions such as Neurofibromatosis or just look up a Charity you have supported in the past and learn about what they have been up to. Cut one treat out on the grocery shop and donate that £2 instead.
Go on, Netflix will still be there tomorrow!
Reaching far across the Buller River in the South Island of New Zealand is New Zealand's longest simple suspension bridge. At just over 360 feet, the bridge is an absolute thrill to cross. If you get to the other side and want even more adventure, you can take a zipline back across! Skye LOVED IT!!!!!
