It is almost impossible to put into words how Andrew and I feel on days like today. We re-live every hour of the last day of darling Skye's life, from the moment he woke up and said "I am feeling a bit tired today," to him insisting on sending Granny to buy his little brother a pink guitar.
The medical trauma of the day was very hard, every fibre in our bodies wanting to keep shaking him awake and insisting him stay with us but knowing being the ultimate parent was to stay composed, calm and confident for Skye's sake.
Skye was so aware of everything that was happening to him and it was terrifying to be the people responsible for keeping him from being scared.
Every day is hard but we have learnt to hide how broken we are in order to operate and carry out our duties. On days like today however, I am emotionally naked. I don't want to be the strong, accepting and inspiring face of the Charity, I want to curl up in a ball and remember how it felt to hold Skye's little hand in mine as I sang 'Never play cards with a Cheetah' and think of nothing else.
I am lucky, the day is mine and I can be who I need to be. For Andrew however, he has to find the strength to start the new academic school year, to welcome new teaching staff, to stay in control, to listen intently to other peoples concerns and to the best job he can for the sake of the pupils he is responsible for. I know he will do it because he cares so deeply about all children and his job is his vocation. I admire and love him with all my heart.
He left this picture by the bed before he left for work today. It is the most exquisite illustration of how we feel and we would like to visit Switzerland to see it sometime.
Art is powerful.